Dear Guys on Dating Apps,
I know it’s tough out there, so let this open letter to guys on dating apps serve as some encouragement. The idea here is to help us all meet in the middle – virtually, that is, since meeting in bars doesn’t involve internet tricks.
For the record, this is not me saying that us ladies do this dating app thing perfectly (trust me, I know we don’t!) And, if you want to write back and give us a few pointers, we’re open to that – well, I am, at least.
So, here are a few things we wish you knew. Consider it a special delivery from me to you.
Your pictures matter
And I’m not talking about how you look in them (although, we do give points for personal presentation, of course). But what I really mean is that they make it easier to understand more about you.
First, if you’re gonna give me group pictures, please give me at least a couple of just you. If I have to pick you out of the sea of friends you brought with you to your profile, kindly give me some kind of a roadmap. Friendly reminder: I didn’t sign up for a game of “Where’s Waldo.”
Also, posing in circles of women makes you look like a player. Pass. While some boys might want what other boys want, we ladies like to have our own. And a woman of value is not going to compete for your attention. This isn’t the Hunger Games.
Lastly, I really don’t need to see what you shoot or hook. If hunting and fishing are your hobbies, just say so. I promise to believe you. What I don’t need to see is a pair of antlers or the teeny tiny trout you caught.
And seriously, who fishes shirtless?! No one. The answer is no one. So, if you’re holding dinner but don’t have a shirt, we know that stuff is staged. And no, we’re not impressed. Also, if you’re gonna give me a shirtless pic, you’d better be at the beach, on a boat, or running a marathon. Seriously, make it legit or just skip it. (Unless it’s a snapshot from your Abercrombie modeling gig – I guess that’s fine, too).
Just be honest
Dude, I’m inevitably going to see you when we meet, so please stop trying to pull a fast one on me from behind a screen. If you’re balding, own it. Not quite as buff as you were a few years ago? Put it out there proudly. And unless you’re wearing a tux to run errands, maybe let me see what you actually wear most of the time.
When we meet, I’m also going to know how tall you are. And I’m definitely gonna know if you lied about it. We know you can’t control your height, but you can control how upright you are with that information. A stand-up short king has a fair shot, but a dude who thinks he has to fudge his measurements in order to get a date is giving booster-seat vibes.
Let’s talk about kids for a minute. I love a man who can entertain tiny humans, but for the love of all things holy, I need to know if you made those. Are you a proud uncle or a dad? Both are wonderful, but they are not the same. Please provide a manufacturer’s label for any little cuties that grace your profile.
Winners don’t just know how to close, they open strong!
It doesn’t have to be a great opener, but make it an opener, at least. If we match with you, we like what we see and that means we’re interested in chatting…until we get a “hey” (and nothing else) from you in that first message.
Call me crazy, but one word – which you probably just copied and pasted into 8 different chats – makes me think you’re kinda not that interested in talking with me. And how exactly do you want me to respond to that? Add in the typically slow response time, and this is how the dating music died. So please, give me something to work with. Because a one-word opener tells me either you don’t care, or your people skills need mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.
I’m not saying you need to get overly expressive, or even creative, with that first message. But, if you could make it look like you might be open to some communication, that would be a huge help. Just a decent sentence will do, truly. Brownie points for punctuation. Kthanksbye.
Do what you came here to do
That’s right, ask a girl out. I’m assuming if you’re on the apps, you’re actually interested in dating. So, start doing that. Because if we’re messaging back and forth for several days, we’re not really getting to know each other, we’re just wasting each other’s time.
If I wanted a technology-based relationship, I’d just start calling ChatGPT my boyfriend. Besides, don’t you get bored trying to keep a chat thread alive for weeks at a time? Yeah, we do too.
So, let’s grab a drink…or coffee, or tacos. Something where we can get face-to-face and decide if we want to spend another minute talking. Contrary to popular belief, first dates don’t need to be fancy. But if you’re gonna spend weeks making a girl chat with you on the app, then yeah, she’s probably gonna be expecting dinner when you finally get around to asking her out. Make it faster and easier – for you and for me – and let’s get in person ASAP.
I wrote this open letter to guys on dating apps because I think together, we can make dating apps a better place to be (and ideally, a place that we all get to leave quickly). Happy swiping, boys!
P.S. Ready for that date, but not sure what to talk about? Check out this blog on what to talk about on the first few dates!
