Dating is a series of doors. Ones we choose to step through, ones we pass right on by, ones that never open, and ones that eventually close. When doors close in dating, we’re left looking for other open doors…and often left wondering what happened.
Even though it didn’t stay open, there was a reason we stepped through it – we had experiences we wouldn’t have otherwise. And if you can take something from that experience, it wasn’t a waste.
As for why these doors close, there are several reasons, but here are a few I’ve encountered…
The timing is wrong.
One of the best pieces of dating advice I’ve ever heard is “the right person at the wrong time is the wrong person.” Timing is everything in dating.
You can’t get on the same page if you’re in different chapters of life.
If we had met sooner, later, before or after something…had we just been in a different place in our lives…then maybe it might have worked out. But I truly believe the fact that we weren’t means that it wasn’t supposed to.
So many times, I’ve thought “if I had just met him later…when I was ready”
But the truth is, those guys came into my life when I was ready for them…because they weren’t supposed to stay. And had it not happened then, it probably never would have happened at all.
It’s not what you thought.
Dating is one of the biggest learning curves out there. It’s a process. Maybe in the early stages it feels pretty on point, and then we find out it actually wasn’t even close. Womp womp.
Ever dive into something only to realize it looks totally different once you’re in it? But there’s no way you could’ve known that from the outside, so you had to try.
Dating is about discovery – and sometimes the only way to really know, is to give it a go! You’re figuring each other out, and figuring out if you’re a good fit. And because we aren’t meant to be a good fit for just anyone, it’s gonna end up being a no-go far more often than not.
Things change.
How you grow and adjust together (or not) is essential to whether you can – and should – do this journey together.
One of the best tests for relationships is when circumstances shift significantly and unexpectedly. Life is gonna throw you plenty of curve balls, so you have to find out how you handle them hand-in-hand. Can you make new plans? Do you prioritize each other? Are you prepared to make sacrifices?
A couple of years ago, the guy I was seeing got a job offer a plane ride away from where we were. My answer was doing long distance. His solution was for me to come with him. Neither of us were willing to do what the other wanted. It became clear that we valued our careers and lifestyles over our relationship.
At the time I was hurt and confused. But now, looking back, I’m so grateful that happened how and when it did. It raised crucial conversations, and forced us to really evaluate if we were as “in it” as we thought we were. We weren’t. And I’m glad I found that out then.
Moving on to the next one…
When a door closes on us, especially when it feels sudden or unfair, we tend to stop and stare. But waiting around in front of a closed door keeps us stuck. We convince ourselves that if we wait around long enough, maybe it’ll open again. But it didn’t close just for the sake of shutting us out. It closed to send us elsewhere.
When doors close in dating, they always lead to better ones…with new adventures, bigger dreams, and greater growth.
Closed doors are not dead ends, they’re directions. So, when you catch yourself standing and staring, stop waiting around and start heading towards that next door. Trust me, there’s so much more waiting there for you.
XOXO,
Carrie
