“Dating apps are so exhausting!”
…ok, how many times have you thought this? Don’t worry, we’ve all been there (unless you’re a dating robot). I have to say…I’m a pretty big fan of dating apps. But, trust me, it took a lot of trial and error to get to this happy place. So, here’s a list of tips and tricks to help you like this process a little more (or at least not hate it!) and save your dating app sanity.
Tips and tricks to keep from swiping yourself into a spiral and save your dating app sanity.
Set your limits.
Allow yourself to commit the time you have, and not a minute more.
Swiping has real potential to take over, if we let it. But, if dating starts to bleed into other commitments and categories of your life, you’re going to get overwhelmed pretty quickly. It’s important to build dating into your life, not the other way around.
Set whatever boundaries you need to and be strategic about it. Maybe you only allow a set amount of time to be spent on apps each day, or you only check them on certain days of the week. Maybe it should be coupled with another activity to help limit the frequency. Example: I like to check the apps while I cook dinner during the week, and while I have my morning coffee on weekends. Attaching it to other aspects of my day helps me keep things in check.
And even though there are a ton of dating apps out there, don’t try to do them all at once. I never do more than two at a time, and my real preference is to just do one. The more sources that are readily available to us, the more consuming it can become.
Keep living your life, and just add dating into it! Plus, if you start putting your life on hold to date, you’re not going to have a whole lot to talk about on those dates 😉
Don’t stress it!
Dating apps tend to invite games…and stress. But, if you’re worried about carefully crafting every response, you’re gonna run out of steam in record time! Let yourself flirt naturally, and don’t overthink things. Apps are merely a means for introductions. Especially early on, the stakes are supposed to be low, so don’t raise them 😉
Refuse to have pen pals.
Let’s be real, this is the most exhausting thing. You have enough to do, and don’t need to be adding a bunch of wishy-washy boys to your correspondence list. Some people find a hard and fast rule to be helpful (i.e., one week of active messaging maximum before you meet up in person). Whether you have a specific method or not, if you guys should’ve made plans already and haven’t, do not hang around and waste your time. The idea is to date, not to let boys blow up your phone for fun. If he’s not making plans with you, he’s using you for an ego boost…and you need to move on.
Avoid the “numbers game” trap.
With a world of options literally at our fingertips, it’s easy to let some of it go to our heads…I mean in terms of the pressure we put on ourselves. It’s easy to think:
“If I just swipe more…”
“If I just go on more dates per week…”
“If I just hurry up and [fill in the blank]…”
…then I will get my relationship.
Dating apps present this silent trap. It leads us to believe that if we just exhaust our options faster, we can somehow skip to the good part. Not to burst anyone’s mathematical bubble, but from what I’ve seen, this ideology is a slippery slope. Not only is it emotionally draining, but it has some sneaky side effects – such as subconsciously lowering our standards – that tend to lead to the opposite of what we want. Stay present and take each experience as it comes. And remember, you’re dating people, not statistics and algorithms!
Check your mindset.
To keep your dating app sanity, not only is the right frame of mind helpful, but it’s also essential to dating success. I’m just gonna say it: you have to want to date. Period. This doesn’t mean you have to want every little blunder that comes with the territory, but it does mean that you have to want to put yourself out there. And you have to be ready to be open. When we try to force ourselves, we usually end up with some undesirable results.
Dating is an opportunity! Yes, it’s a chance to find a relationship, but there’s so much more to it than that. There’s a ton to be learned in this process, especially about yourself. Of course, dating has a purpose attached to it, and that’s a good thing! But, if we treat it only as a means to an end (and one we’re trying to hustle through as quickly as possible *cough cough*), it’s going to get heavy and counterproductive. You don’t have to push yourself into the dating pool. Jump in when you’re ready – it’ll be a lot easier, and way more fun!
Set yourself up for success.
Here’s permission to be a little extra. If there’s something that makes this easier for you, give yourself access to it. Maybe it’s paying for the app’s subscription, so you can set filters that help you do less swiping. Or maybe it’s getting your hair done periodically, so you feel date-ready at the drop of a hat. I’m not telling you to blow your budget or go crazy, but if there’s a small investment that can make this process more fun for you, it might be worth it.
These tips have saved my dating app sanity and I hope the do the same for you. Happy dating, darling! And may the odds be ever in your favor 😉
P.S. Check out this blog on why you shouldn’t be ghosting in dating!
