Long distance relationships are a controversial topic when it comes to dating. From “I would never” to “so totally worth it,” there’s quite a spectrum of preferences and reactions. But, if you’ve never tried it, can you really say either way? 😉
I’ll be the first to admit, this kind of dating is not something I’ve ever done. So, instead of playing the guessing game, I called in my girls who’ve actually been through it – and some of them in a big way! Having navigated all sorts of distances with their guys, from starting their relationship that way to just a chapter of it, and from a state away to opposite sides of the globe, here’s what they had to say…
The tough stuff…
It took a little longer for natural comfortability and closeness to cultivate. The emotional side was stronger than the physical aspects of dating, so that part took more time than normal to develop.
Major time zone differences – this can be a lot harder than anticipated.
If you have different communication styles and needs, you have to find what works for you both.
A couple of months into it was the hardest part … that’s when the challenges started to really take a toll.
Long distance alone isn’t necessarily a proper gage of whether your relationship will work out once you’re in the same place.
The good stuff…
You take things slower, and you relish more in the moments that you get to share with each other.
You tend to have more to talk about when you’re together because you don’t see each other every day.
It made us stronger because we had to discuss things that maybe wouldn’t organically come up otherwise.
You learn to be creative in how you show love. It’s kind of fun!
Long distance solidified that we wanted to be together long-term and eventually marry.
You build really good communication skills.
Because of the forced separation, you quickly learn boundaries. Sometimes when you’re always together, it can be easy to let your relationships take up all of your time – long distance helps you manage that!
It’s a great excuse to travel together and meet up in new places!
Commitments to make to each other…
Being intentional is really important.
Visiting each other has to be a priority. Sometimes it was hard to find time to travel back and forth, but we always did because we wanted to (I even had a savings account just for this kind of travel). Sometimes one of us would come to the other twice in a row, even if it wasn’t our turn.
For special events that we wanted to attend together, we would work really hard to make it happen.
You have to communicate, especially if you’re not feeling supported or nurtured.
You must be able to trust your partner.
You have to get through the lows to come out the other side…trust that you’re going to make it.
If you’re afraid to give a long-distance relationship a try…
Pray about it!
If you are both mature and communicative, there’s no reason it couldn’t work.
We had already cultivated a friendship long-distance first, so when we got to our long-distance relationship it was not really a question of “would it work” but “how often will we see each other?”
It probably brought us closer together, faster, than if we had seen each other on a regular basis.
If you have no reservations other than the fear of whether it will work, then go for it! “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear.” 1 John 4:18.
Tips for making it work…
Plan for when you’ll see each other next and make that your focus!
Having a routine for when you text and talk to each other makes a big difference.
Plan virtual dates. You can do things like cook or watch a movie together.
Always say what you mean.
Never underestimate the value of writing letters to each other!
