Each season of dating (the hustlin’ and hoppin’ parts, in between sabbaticals), brings emotions, lessons, and growth beyond what I am ever able to anticipate. FYI, if you missed Part 1, you can read it HERE.
This round, so much surfaced in just a few short months. These bros sure kept me on my toes (shhh, don’t tell them I said that). So, this one is for, and about, them…
The One That Should’ve Fit (but just didn’t)
You were the epitome of a good guy…just not the right guy (even though a small piece of me really wanted you to be). Kindness comes first, but it can’t cancel out the need for chemistry. Someday, when the right girl comes along, she’ll be able to help heal parts of you that I knew I’d never be able to. You reminded me that it’s possible to check every box without being able to fill a space. Thank you for trusting me, and for understanding that we weren’t what each other needed.
The Hot Seat in the Friend Zone
If there was a relationship version of an active countdown without an actual launch, we would be it. There were a few times when I thought we might actually get out of the friend zone – we’d tap dance right up to that line in so many ways, but we just couldn’t seem to cross it. Some things felt so natural, and others just didn’t. You reminded me that physical attraction is a must, but it’s not enough. Thank you for being willing to stay, but in a different way.
The Close Almost
You came out of left field and then hit closer to home than I was prepared for. If not for a totally off-base text following our third date, there wouldn’t have been a fourth one. Then things took a wild turn. But as we got closer, we drifted farther apart. I felt more and more cared for, yet progressively less secure. You taught me that real pursuit is about the long game because there’s a difference between being caught and being held. Thank you for reminding me that I’m worth going all in for, and that anything less than a heck yes is a hard no.
What I learned:
This last round of dating felt like turning a corner. It was a change that I didn’t even think to look for, but that I think I had been working towards for quite a while. There are a couple of takeaways that I’ll be keeping:
1. What I want exists.
This was the first time that all of my dating experiences simultaneously reflected how I’ve always wanted to be treated. Because I wasn’t accepting anything less.
All of them are gentlemen; guys who pick up the tab, hold doors, and cook for you. They know what they’re about, and they do what they say. Guys who lead but wait, and plan but are patient. They kept the promises they made, showed up in real ways, and set a new standard that I didn’t even realize I had been missing.
2. Vulnerability is key.
I learned so much about what dating should be, and even more about who I want to be. And just when I thought I had hit my capacity with vulnerability…they pushed me beyond. Sincerity is essential. Ask for what you need. Say what you mean. And if you want to know if something is real, you have to be honest about how you really feel.
So, here’s to all the boys, and how they impacted me. To what we were…and especially to what we’ll never be.
XOXO, Carrie
