When you realize it’s not him, it’s you (in a good way!)…
“It’s not you, it’s me”…ugh, some of the most dreaded words in dating, am I right? Hold on, we’re not talking break-ups. In fact, we’re talking glow-ups! But not just any kind…the dating kind. Trust me darling, I know you glow and grow in soooo many ways, every dang day, but this one is about acknowledging that progress in a very specific way.
So often when relationships (or situationships, or flings, or train wrecks) end, we feel like we didn’t get closure. Usually the way it ends is all the closure we really need, but of course we want more. But why?? I mean, if it didn’t work, there’s a reason. While it’s possible that it was just bad timing or someone messed up (always them, right? LOL)…I tend to conclude that it just wasn’t meant to be. For me, the details don’t really change that, so dwelling won’t either. But…I recently had an experience that put this whole “closure” thing in a new light.
I’ve talked before about the guy who gets off on making and breaking plans…my previous post on ghosting was inspired by him. Well, he showed back up after over a year of being totally off my radar. I wondered why he would bother snooping back around here after that amount of time. As it turns out, his younger sister’s wedding was around the corner. No, he wasn’t looking for a date, but he was going back through his little black book and revisiting all the past marriage material candidates. *facepalm*
My initial instinct: “girl, don’t you dare respond.” But then something in my gut told me to just roll with it. A week later, as we stood in my kitchen catching-up over a glass of wine, it hit me. Wait. Why the heck was I ever obsessed with this guy?
Every dating experience I’ve had since him has been superior. I’m talking guys who are ten-times the man he’ll ever be. Even though none of them were the right one, every single one had been a far better one. And since I last saw him about 14 months ago, I had started a new job, moved to a bigger apartment and decorated it to be my dream space, lost weight, been promoted (with a nice pay raise attached), booked an impulse trip, and celebrated some significant milestones. I didn’t even realize how much I had accomplished and experienced – how much I had grown – since I last saw him, until he was standing in front of me…and having zero effect on me.
He made it clear he was “ready to not be single anymore.” I told him how great it was that he’s in the relationship market, but that I wouldn’t be submitting an application for the girlfriend position this time. As I put a lock on what had already been closed, I realized it had nothing to do with him; it had everything to do with me. In a good way – one that is totally worth basking in! I hadn’t grown to deserve better…I had just grown to realize that I deserved better all along.
So here’s your reminder to take those dating revelations as an opportunity to remember your worth, darling. Because buried in that self-acknowledgement is the real glow-up 😉
