What is it about birthdays that gives us pause and allows us to reflect? The turn of the calendar isn’t the only chance for a new year – we get that opportunity with every change of age, too.
A few years back, as I was looking down the pike at my 30th birthday, I wrote a blog on A Single Girl’s 30 Before 30. It was a collection of things I was glad I did in my 20s. Now, a few weeks after my 34th birthday, I’m logging some things this decade has already taught me.
In my experience, these single girl life lessons fit into seven categories: Faith, Dating, Community, Personal, Professional, Health, and Financial. And these categories are just as great for goal setting as they are for reflecting. If you’re looking to make the most of the rest of this year, or get a head start on preparing for the next, grab my freebie, The Seven Habits of a Happy Single Woman. If you don’t have this resource yet, you can grab your free copy here.
In this post, you’ll find different lessons from each of those seven categories. Here are #1 though #10 of a Single Girl’s 30 After 30!
FAITH:
1. Your timing and God’s timing will almost never align, and His is better.
First on A Single Girl’s 30 AFTER 30, raise your hand if your claim to fame is “making things happen.” It’s me, hi!
I used to be the girl that would push for everything right now.
If this decade has taught me anything, it’s that, no matter what my plans are, his plans are better – especially when it comes to timing. Honestly, I don’t know why I ever expected any different. After all, he can see the whole story, while I can barely see 10 feet in front of me most of the time.
I’ve also learned that if I truly desire something, I’m probably gonna get it – just not necessarily when and how I thought I would. And I would venture that the same is probably true for you, too. But, above all else, trust him when he says “not yet” …he’s not telling you no, he’s preparing the very best yes!
2. If it’s truly what He has for you, you can’t accidentally blow it, miss it, or ruin it.
We have free will, and we should aim to make choices that align with his direction. But he knows that we’re human. Fortunately, falling short and making mistakes isn’t going to keep us from the good gifts he has for us. Phew!
I used to worry about this all the time…
Did I accidentally blow that chance?
Did I manage to miss my future husband?
Did I somehow pass by the path I was supposed to take?
But I’ve learned to take comfort in the fact that I’m not that powerful.
I’ve seen God use scenic routes, wild detours, and epic U-turns to make sure things work out, despite our inability to navigate life (and our refusal to ask for directions, sometimes).
Seek his goodness, and he’ll make sure you find it. Rest assured, darling, if you’re open to what he has for you, he won’t let you miss out.
DATING:
3. Dating isn’t about the man you will meet, it’s about the woman you will become.
In my 20s, I dated to find my man. Period.
If he didn’t immediately strike me as husband material, why would I waste my time?
Luckily, I learned that dating isn’t a quick-sort method for finding your partner, and by treating it that way, I was trying to skip a lot of the growth that dating offers.
Once I was able to humble myself enough to let dating be part of my story, and help grow me into the woman I’m meant to be, it got much easier, infinitely better, and A LOT more fun! I can honestly say that dating has changed and developed me in ways that nothing else has. I’m a more grounded and confident woman, and a better potential partner, because of it!
4. If he’s got you so smitten that you’re trippin’ over yourself after date one…run.
The only thing that’s got me more skeptical than a first date full of red flags is one where I’m seeing stars.
We’re programmed to anticipate butterflies, fireworks, and maybe even Cirque de Soleil at this point. And falling in love can be a really fun and intoxicating process. But, if you’re having a hard time walking in a straight line after just meeting him, it’s not your heart talking…it’s your central nervous system.
All I’m gonna say is proceed with caution, darling.
COMMUNITY:
5. Don’t miss the things you can’t get back.
The older you get, the harder it gets to squeeze in all of your obligations and occasions. And sure, you can always just say no, but my guess is you don’t want to, if you don’t have to. So, I’ve boiled down my personal policy to this…
Don‘t miss the things you can’t get back. (Well, try not to, at least.)
When it comes to obligations like work, sometimes it is what it is…but, sometimes work isn’t worth missing out on life for. The ability to discern this has been a gift of my 30s.
Whether I’m choosing life over work, or one special occasion over another, my personal policy still holds and helps me decide where my energy goes.
A prime example of this is weddings. If you invite me to your wedding, I will do everything in my power to be there (and yes, I’ve been to a ton of weddings!). Even if I can’t make it to any other event in someone’s life, barring something absolutely crazy, I’ll be at their wedding. Why? Because hopefully it only happens once. It’s something I can’t get back if I miss out, so I make it happen.
PERSONAL:
6. Before you can heal anything else, you first need to heal yourself.
Perspective is everything, darling. If you’re not in a good place, everything you come into contact with is going to be that much harder.
Up until a few years ago, dating was rough for me. It was a rollercoaster of emotions (almost none of which were fun), and frequently left me feeling insecure and invisible. But I finally realized it wasn’t dating that was the problem; it was how I viewed dating that was the source of my struggles.
I pictured dating as an obstacle course, so that’s how it felt.
I assumed it would be difficult, so it was.
I believed I would have to kiss a lot of toads to find my prince, so I kissed a lot of toads…and still didn’t find my prince.
My own insecurities led me to believe that it would be hard because how could something so significant be easy?
Once I healed my insecurities around dating, I healed my dating life. And it’s been so much more fun and wildly more rewarding since then. I never kissed another toad after that – just a lot of great guys who were lucky enough to date a great girl.
7. If something scares you, do it. You can’t grow in your comfort zone.
Stay safe and you’ll stay stuck.
If you feel called to do something – maybe that thing that makes you want to dance and puke all at the same time – you should do it. Because that scary place is where the stronger version of you can be found.
You can’t grow in your comfort zone. It’s not possible. So, if you want to grow – and you should, because otherwise what are we even doing here? – then ya gotta get out of the cozy spot you’ve been living in.
There’s nothing more terrifying or fulfilling than when God gives you some crazy marching orders and you say “Umm, that’s nuts…okay, I’m in!”
Trust me, if you just say yes, you’re in for your greatest adventure yet!
PROFESSIONAL:
8. If you hate hustle, don’t quit, change it.
Hustle culture gets a bad rap. But that’s because hustle culture isn’t really hustle at all – it’s just resigning yourself to a grind that doesn’t align for you.
If you hate hustling…you’re doing it wrong. Meaning, you’re probably hustling in the wrong thing.
Trust me, I used to hate it, too. I still did it (and I’d say I did a pretty good job of it!), but I hated it. Because a lot of what I was pushing through were things I convinced myself I had to do.
Opposite of hustle culture is meaningful hustle. The first one is toxic, but the other is a glow-up. Find what aligns for you and go for it! Work hard unapologetically, as long as you’re doing it from a place of love, not a place of lack. There’s deep purpose in meaningful hustle.
HEALTH:
9. You cannot punish yourself into good health.
Believe me, I tried.
It’s impossible to build something you cherish from a place of despise.
So please stop self-loathing and hoping it’ll somehow result in the well-being you’re striving for. Instead try loving yourself – and no, I don’t mean just accepting your current situation. I mean pouring into your body, instead of depriving it.
Pour in better nutrition, higher quality sleep, and more intentional movement. When you focus on giving yourself the best, it leaves far less room for the junk – in your diet, your choices, and your lifestyle.
And do it in pursuit of building up, not breaking down. Instead of trying to force your body into submission, listen to her. And then honor her requests.
FINANCIAL:
10. You are the greatest investment you’ll ever make.
And last on this week’s A Single Girl’s 30 AFTER 30, let’s talk money. I decided a couple of years ago that personal development was worth the investment. We should never stop learning and improving.
Investing in yourself is like buying stock in your future self.
Whether it’s a course or a coach, a new hobby or therapy, make the purchase and then put in the effort. It’ll pay off – and probably grow you in ways you didn’t even anticipate.
Do it for the woman you’ll become. Because she deserves your best.
Be sure to check out the blog next week for another round of A Single Girl’s 30 AFTER 30!
