A Single Girl’s 30 Before 30…

With that seemingly significant birthday less than 100 days away, here’s my before-the-next-decade list…

1. Have a wardrobe that covers every major occasion. 

Wedding, funeral, girls night out, date night, interview…you name it, you should have a fabulous outfit to wear to it! These things happen at the drop of a hat in your 20’s (yes, people start getting married, having babies…and that other stuff, too), and you’ve got to be ready to go on a moment’s notice. And, an undeniable fashion truth: if you don’t like it, you’re not gonna wear it. It’ll just collect dust and take up valuable real estate. So, if you need to Konmari Method your closet, do it. And then fill it with stuff you love (with all the important occasions in mind, of course). You deserve it, I promise. By the way, if you need the perfect last minute look, especially if you’re on a budget, I cannot recommend Rent the Runway enough! I also recently gave their unlimited subscription a whirl. It. Is. Life-changing. For realz. 

2. Have a swoon-worthy lingerie drawer.

Every single girl should make herself feel like royalty. Do yourself a favor and arm yourself with pretty things. Because, after all, don’t we kick extra butt on the days when we’re wearing the prettiest pair of panties? I don’t know about you, but with the right undergarments, I can conquer the world. Own it inside, outside, and underneath!  

3. Live by yourself.

The first reason for this is obvious: being able to cook and do laundry at 2am…am I right? But beyond that, you learn to depend on yourself in entirely new ways…like learning to be your own handyman! If it’s broke, you fix it (ok, well, usually). One of the most unexpectedly rewarding things ever…being able to single-handedly mount shelves and hang a heavy mirror. I don’t see a man around here, so it’s a good thing I don’t need one for that extra stuff. 

4. Live where you want to live.

Again, kinda obvious, but one of the greatest perks of being single…you get to do exactly what you want. Move for work, move for a new opportunity, or maybe even just because you’ve always wanted to live in a certain place. The best part of not having to consult someone else on these decisions: your reasoning doesn’t have to make sense to anyone other than you. So go wherever your heart desires, and make yourself a home there. 

5. Go abroad (preferably alone). 

Going abroad is one of the best experiences anyone can ever have. Period. Time in a foreign country breeds infinite new happenings and learning potential. Language and cultural immersion. Duh. But, if you surround yourself with a bunch of people you spend time with at home, I think it steals a bit from the experience. I’ve been abroad twice – a summer in Spain in college, and a semester in London in law school. Both times I went without knowing a soul. Not only did I make some awesome new friends with other students from the states, but I was able to do my own thing while I was there. Because, in short, there was no pressure to do things together. The other students in the program became my instant travel buddies for girls weekends away, but I was also free to do what I wanted in that place…including dating a Brit 😉 

6. Learn to cook, and get good at recipes for 1.  

I’m admittedly working on this one. I’m a decent cook when motivated by feeding other people, but when cooking for one, it’s easy to get caught up in what’s practical. So, I’m attempting to broaden my horizons and use this as another way to treat myself. Of course, this is also met with the needs to be economical and time-efficient. I’ll keep you posted. 

7. Be your own date.

That’s right, pick an upcoming event and plan to go alone…on purpose. Barristers Ball (law school prom LOL) my 3L year was the first time I intentionally refused to take a date. Don’t get me wrong, I have done plenty of asking random guys, taking a friend, and not-so-subtly encouraging one of the girls to set me up with various escorts for major occasions. But, there is something really great about skipping all of that every once in a while. Instead of putting effort into picking a date, focus on being your own best option. For my last Barristers Ball, I went all out: got the dress I wanted, had my hair and makeup done, made plans with a big group for a great dinner beforehand, etc. It was so much fun!  It was also nice to just be able to enjoy attending, instead of having to worry about anyone else. It was one of the best times I’ve ever had! 

8. Plan a fabulous solo day. 

Sit in a restaurant alone and enjoy a multi-course meal…and don’t forget the wine! Take yourself shopping or for a spa day. Go see that new movie in theatres. Have a long sit in a coffee shop and enjoy sipping that latte. Whatever fabulous string of events you come up with, give yourself a full day of doing things by yourself and for yourself. There is something to be said for having a day that’s entirely yours. 

9. Take an impulse trip. 

Again, doing what you want, when you want…even last minute. There’s something joy-inducing about booking a plane ticket for a weekend away, but doing that on a moment’s notice is a total rush! Pack your bags and jet-set, girlfriend! After all, nothing and no one is keeping you in town this weekend 😉 

10. Have a go-to grown up drink.

I swear I’m not ragging on anyone’s choice of beverage, but if you like enjoying the adult kind in public, there comes a time when you should have a drink order in your back pocket that floats your boat and also doesn’t scream “broke college kid.” Honestly, I have a soft spot for Cosmopolitans, but when those don’t qualify, I’m still a fan of basic martinis. Twist instead of olives. Oh, and it had better be gin, because that’s what a proper one calls for. 

11. Stop drinking cheap wine.

I upped my standards a couple of years ago, and made myself a promise: whether it’s at a party, in a bar, or on the couch, don’t drink cheap wine. Just don’t do it.  I’m not saying bypass the bottles on the wine aisle that are reasonably priced – that would just be ridiculous – but you should only drink wine you actually enjoy. Really enjoy. It’s not power hour, and you’re not settling for a bottle of two buck chuck to get your buzz going. 

12. Perfect your self-care ritual.

That feel-good, stress-busting stuff… figure out your method and employ it frequently. Sometimes it’s a mani/pedi, other times it’s a day without my phone. And occasionally it’s a Gossip Girl, wine, and bubble bath combo. Real self-care is the best form of self-love. 

13. Do something that terrifies you. 

Eleanor Roosevelt wrote “You must do the thing you think you cannot do.” The way I like to think of it: everything you want is on the other side of something you’ve never done. I’d venture to say that fear of failure is one of the most common fears we face. How many times has it kept us from even trying? But when we choose to try anyway; when we purposefully and shamelessly endeavor to do the things we think we cannot…that’s where we find not only strength, courage and confidence, but also transformation. When we take on our biggest mountains, it shrinks our other challenges into molehills. And the thing is, it’s perfectly fine to be scared. Do it scared. The victory isn’t in magically ridding ourselves of fear, but intentionally deciding to not let fear win. 

14. Fail. Big time. And pick yourself up. 

Not to put too much of an emphasis on failure, but dare I say this has the potential to be even more transformative than doing what terrifies us. Failure sucks. It hurts, and it’s no fun to admit.  I’m not encouraging going out and failing on purpose, I’m just saying it’s inevitable. And since it’s inevitable, let it be because you dreamed big and dared greatly. Sure, accepting failure often makes us want to say we didn’t try – because it’s easier to admit defeat when we can justify it – but owning failure can yield some serious benefits. It either causes us to re-sort our priorities or reaffirm them. And we never escape either of those reflections unaffected. 

15. Have a safety plan in place.

This is one of those not-so-sexy topics, but it’s important. From living alone to going on blind dates, it’s always a good idea to take some extra measures to be safe. Have a friend who checks in on you after that date, and maybe share your cell phone location with someone you’re close to. I never go on a first date without a designated person to make sure I survived. 

16. Have at least one best guy friend.

A man’s perspective is useful sometimes. In particular, when it’s a man who has your best interest at heart, but isn’t your father or your significant other. And have I mentioned how helpful this is when it comes to dating? But really, this kind of friendship is special. Don’t get me wrong, girlfriends are the best, but your best guy friend…game-changer. 

17. Date the guy you swore you never would.

Flashback to 23-year-old me: I swore up and down that I would never date a divorced guy. Or a guy with kids. Well, guess what ladies?! I went abroad to London, threw the rule book out the window, and dated a guy who was both of those things. And it was one of the most informative experiences I’ve ever had. I learned a lot about him and even more about myself. Totally worth it. 

18. Let a friend set you up (for real, though).  

A couple of years ago, one of my barre clients reached out to me to offer to set me up with one of her husband’s friends. Honestly y’all, this offer came over an Instagram message because we didn’t even have each other’s phone numbers at the time. My initial thought was “no way”…no way because maybe it wouldn’t go well, maybe things would be awkward with her after, yada yada yada. And then, tons of excuses later, I thought “why not?” She was willing to go out a limb, so I should be too. I accepted and ended up on a few fun dates with a pretty great guy. Things didn’t work out with him in the long run, but the kind soul who set us up is now a dear friend. So whether it’s your bestie or a generous acquaintance, take them up on the offer…you never know what good will come from it! 

19. Spend quality time with family and do it often.  

I have a confession to make…my family is the best. I know a lot of 20-somethings who purposely live in another state don’t feel that way. But really, my family is far from perfect…we fight, make mistakes, and stick our noses where they absolutely don’t belong, but at the end of the day, I wouldn’t have it any other way. We’re loud, we’re Italian, and we make no apologies about any of it. But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve totally become that girl who plans weekend trips to visit her parents, and calls her grandmother regularly to check in. I make a point to see my aunts and uncles, and have become friends with my cousins. Because family is precious. And spending time with my family grounds me in who I am, gives me the best hope for the future, and provides all the love and support necessary. I live for those moments when we’re gathered around a table (Italians…duh), and I find myself thinking “THIS is what it’s all about.” 

20. Schedule an annual trip with your soulsisters and stick to it.

Another thing I live for: these trips! The ones where all of us girls put the rest of the world on hold to get away together. It might be a resort somewhere awesome, or it might be an Airbnb an hour from home. The location is irrelevant. Movie night, lounge time, and goal setting are always on the itinerary. These occasions fill up my tank, but they also strengthen our friendship. We’ve all made these trips happen (even if only for a quick weekend) in various stages of life…grad school, marriage, motherhood, living on opposite sides of the country. And continuing the tradition ensures that there will never be a stage of life that keeps us from making it happen. No matter what, these times together are a priority, and there’s something to be said for prioritizing the people you love. 

21. Take on a fitness challenge.

I never thought I’d be in fitness, but in 2016 I decided to be a barre instructor just for funzies. I used to hate running, but in 2017 I wanted to run a half marathon…and in 2018 it was a whole marathon. Whatever your fitness aspirations, set a goal and go for it!  I could tout a long list of the benefits to working out, but that’s not even the best part of it. When we set physical goals, we ultimately discover a new level of physical, mental, and emotional strength. There are definitely things that taste better than skinny feels, but few things compare to how good STRONG feels. 

22. Learn to budget. 

I know, I know, you knew this one was coming, but you secretly hoped I would leave it off the list. Honestly girl, me too! I am not a fan of budgeting. Whoever said it was fun…ha, I won’t even finish that sentence. It’s not fun, but it is necessary. One of the most important things about being an adult is owning it…all of it…your strengths, weaknesses, organization (or lack thereof), discipline (or lack thereof)….you get the point. Finances are ALL of these things. And to fully enjoy the freedoms of being single, you’ve got to know where those dolladollabills are going.  Everything that comes into your bank account is yours, and everything that goes out…yup, also yours LOL. So this is my little bit of encouragement to get yourself in order in this department if you haven’t already. Some tips and tricks that have helped me: 1) find a financially savvy friend for inspiration and accountability (I have a sorority sister who’s a financial planner and she is a Godsend); 2) Track it like a rockstar: make an appointment with yourself once a week to review where things are at (and be honest with yourself about how you did the last 7 days); 3) SAVE! If this isn’t your thing, find something that will do it for you (have you heard of the app Digit? If not, check it out!). 

23. Take a leap in your career. 

Whether it’s a forced leap or an elected one, jump! It doesn’t have to be a 180 or anything fancy either…but get out of your comfort zone, make a move, do something different. Risk reaps reward and this is the time to make change happen! 

24. Build a solid network and use it.

We all know it’s not what ya know, but who ya know, that really makes the difference. Almost every job I’ve ever gotten had a personal connection attached to it in some way. Yup, all the way back to my first job at Macy’s when I was 16. This isn’t coincidental, and professional success depends on it.  Get to know people who have done what you want to do, find yourself mentors who will coach you through interview prep and tough decisions, and don’t hesitate to reach out to these awesome contacts. Let them lend you a helping hand, or a supportive ear, and remember to pay it forward for others, too! 

25. Ask for a raise or negotiate a higher starting salary. 

Know your worth. But really…know your worth. And take stock in it. A dear mentor (who basically doubles as a big brother) told me to always negotiate salary offers. Even if it seems non-negotiable, and even if they’re offering you what you might normally accept. The same idea goes for raises. First of all, any time we’re confident in the value of something, we don’t just settle for what’s “good enough.” And second, even if it doesn’t change anything, the exercise itself is crucial for professional development that will serve you well later, when these types of negotiations will be frequent and important. So take a seat at the table in your own career. And remember, you’re worth it. 

26. Find your tribe(s). 

The people you work with, workout with, your book club, your networking group, your intramural teammates.  Whatever the source, find your people, wherever you are. Tribes make life more survivable and way more fun.  And yes, there’s the tribe of long-time girlfriends you rely on, but there’s also the tribe at your boutique fitness studio, and the tribe in your profession.  Tribes are groups of like-minded people you can surround yourself with and, especially as a single girl in a city far from home, they provide that extra sense of belonging. So join that gym, sign-up for that social sport, organize a happy hour for your colleagues. You never know what new home you’ll find in a circle of people who enjoy the same things that you do. 

27. Get a therapist. 

Whether you’re a once-in-a-while kinda girl or the more frequent kind, therapy is for everyone, at least at some point. I swear my therapist is an amazing listener, top-notch advice-giver, cheerleader, and life coach all rolled into one! Whether I see her twice a month or twice a year, she just gets me. Trust me, up until a few years ago I touted how having a crew of super sympathetic girlfriends exempted me from ever needing therapy. But, you know what they say: don’t knock it ‘til ya try it! And I can now attest that therapy is on-par with spa day level self-care.   

28. Learn to say “no.” 

Take it from a girl whose first word was “no.” (And no, I’m not kidding about that one haha.) I learned the word early on, but it took me a lot longer to appreciate its intrinsic value. In my early 20’s I literally ran myself ragged because I didn’t know how to say no to anything, ever. While I certainly don’t make a habit of saying no now, I don’t feel guilty about it when I do.  Because the occasional “no” allows me to enthusiastically answer “yes” in so many other ways.  

29. Celebrate your milestones. 

Achievements, new beginnings, birthdays…there are so many things about your life and your journey to celebrate. Whether it’s a hard-earned promotion or just another trip around the sun, you should absolutely mark the occasion. My thought is: if you’re your own worst critic, you should also be your own best party planner. 

30. Establish yourself spiritually. 

There are few things fiercer than a woman who knows what she believes. 

And yeah, politics count for something, but I’m talking much bigger than that. Establish yourself spiritually. Whatever your faith may be, embrace it, honor it, and develop it. Determine what really defines you, and ground yourself in what guides you in everything else.