At this time six years ago, I touched down for my semester in London town. So, ready or not, here comes a little reminiscing…and a lot about the thing that stayed with me most of all…
I have always said that going abroad presents a unique opportunity to see and do things you could not (or would not) do at home. I also believe you should practice what you preach. Several of my friends had been insisting for some time that I try online dating. Ummmm no. No, thank you. Just no. As compelling as their own success stories were, I decided it just wasn’t for me. End of discussion…until I went to London, and had the perfect excuse to give it a whirl without having to tell a soul. Oh the things you can justify to yourself when you’re an entire ocean away from home.
After I saw an ad for a dating site in one of the tube stations, I caved. (Because of course every public advertisement is actually a divine revelation LOL.) But, I mean seriously, what a great way to meet locals, right? With no idea what awaited me, I logged on and signed up. He was the first guy to contact me…and the rest is history. Sorta.
Johnny – a tall, half-Colombian/half-Italian with dark hair, deep eyes, and a British accent to counteract all of his other traits – was 28 at the time. We had our first date the day before my 24th birthday.
While being drawn to an older guy was nothing new for me, I broke all the rules when I decided to date Johnny. He was divorced and had three offspring, all of whom were under the age of 10. Two major rules broken. And as if all of that wasn’t enough rebellion, then I actually met said offspring. A third (previously unspoken) rule broken. Dang it. And trust me, I was just getting started.
But here’s the thing: there’s something liberating about breaking a rule…and absolutely exhilarating about breaking every rule. Not only did that rule book get chucked, it caught some serious air, people. Aside from taking an emotional sledgehammer to my previously held “standards,” my semester was full of fancy evenings out, long drives through the English countryside, and getaway trips to quaint towns. I skipped class and he called out of work to make it all the more fun! Shhh! ;). I realized that my life was quickly becoming a rendition of “The Holiday” (an all-time favorite movie, and not just because it has Jude Law in it!), and I decided I just wasn’t gonna fight it anymore.
But aside from getting me to break my rules, and turning my London semester into something that felt like it belonged on the big screen, Johnny taught me a lot about what life is supposed to be. Sometimes it’s good to be impulsive, enthusiastically embrace the unknown, and simply do what you want to do instead of what you think you’re supposed to do. He got me to let my guard down, not just with him, but towards so many forms of joy. He showed me that giving in doesn’t necessarily mean giving up, but rather giving ourselves permission to enjoy life right where we are.
Going back to “The Holiday” – for those who have seen the movie (and if you haven’t, it’s a must for the rom com list!) – I felt a little bit like Amanda (Cameron Diaz) when she decides to stay in England, and shows up at the pub where Graham (Jude Law) told her to meet him if she changed her mind. And there’s a perfectly fitting song that plays in the background of the movie at that particular moment…
“So let go, let go…Jump in…Oh well, what you waiting for? It’s alright…‘cause there’s beauty in the breakdown”
So, instead of hitting the breaks or running for the hills, like I usually would, I decided to jump in. Here goes nothing. I was told constantly that I wasn’t a “real law student” that semester (and yeah, that was probably true haha!), but I was the realest form of myself that I had been in a long time. That fact allowed me to see beauty in everything, be so present, and stop apologizing or feeling guilty for doing things out of the norm. My priorities shifted. It became about learning instead of grades, and then seeing instead of documenting, and then experiencing instead of analyzing. Before I knew it, I was feeling instead of fearing. And then I was falling…
No, I didn’t fall in love with Johnny. But I did love him – for who he was to me, and what he did for me. Johnny helped me fall in love with myself in new ways. I will forever be indebted to him for that. That, him, us – it all changed the way I see the world…for the better.
It’s amazing what we can learn about ourselves when we allow others to show us. We just have to be willing to let go…
